cage match fight to the death–round 4–onions–the end

Strategic Point 4: Beer batter and deep fry onions.
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cage match fight to the death–round 4–onions–part 3

Strategic Point 3: Schedule the evening so the multiple moving parts don’t fluster me and I can both hang out with my friends and eat at a reasonable hour.
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cage match fight to the death–round 4–onions–part 2

Strategic Point 1: Build a sturdy, well-planned menu where the onion is nowhere near the main feature.
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cage match fight to the death–round 4–onions–part 1

Around the time I ate an eyeball but before I battled celery I had secretly been contemplating considering maybe thinking about launching a sneak attack on onions. Continue reading

cage match fight to the death–round 3–celery

The day after my big cage match with asparagus I went back to the farmers’ market and wandered the aisles again, not because I was lost, but to hang out with all my new friends, vegetables. Continue reading

confessions of a recovering idiot

I used to be a vegetarian. Let me rephrase that. I used to be a “vegetarian.” Continue reading

cage match fight to the death—round 2—asparagus

A lot happened in last night’s cage match fight to the death. I brought together for the first time many of my JVV regulars. My mad manipulation skillz were in full effect as I worked up a sweat convincing other people to cook for me at my house. In a strange turn of events, I found myself forcing vegetables in someone’s face other than my own. And for a period way longer than necessary, the conversation focused on something called vagina dip. But the most important thing that happened last night was that I won—pretty easily and swiftly—asparagus, and then about 20 minutes after everyone left I think I might have lost it. Continue reading

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